photography

Romantic Goth Inspired Styled Bridal Shoot

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This styled shoot is Edgar Allen Poe inspired, both whimsical, dark and dreamy. I love the idea of breaking the rules and stepping outside of the box. The bride, our model Sasha, wore black! She pulls it off beautifully like Dita von Teese or Morticia Addams. She looks like a 1930s starlet with most of her pieces being true vintage and her Bettie Page bangs. Both the bride and the groom are heavily tattooed adding vibrant color to these photos. Pale skin in contrast with a black dress looks so dreamy with pops of red wine. It is such a unique feel that adds to the mood.

The wedding takes place at Parrish Grove Inn, an elegant bed and breakfast in historic Cocoa Village in Florida. The Inn is an 1885 Florida Queen Ann style home. The back of the house has beautiful orange trees.

The makeup artist, Joy McGregor of Joyous Faces did airbrush makeup with a glamorous smokey eye and lashes. The bold lip color was a perfect touch to match the flowers and decor, a rich wine adding more color to the pallet.

Hairstylist, Misti Blu McDermott used Sexy Hair, Kuene and Verb to get a sleek style with curled ends instead of a traditional updo.

Afton Johnson of Fern and Curl Designs nailed in with the dreamy dark flowers. The flower crown was simple and subtle and the bouquet was gorgeous and perfect.

For the centerpieces, Edgar Allan Poe book with candles and lights, black and gold tulle with droopy flowers in a  milk vase added a romantic feel.

The coffin shaped wooden ring box, designed by Wildling Apothecary was very fitting for a gothic style couple.

Photos and set design by Misti Blu Day. The bride provided her clothing and ring from her personal vintage collection.

Health, mental health, Unveiling Invisible Illnesses

The Invisible Battle of Chronic Illness

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Ehlers Danlos Syndrome is an umbrella of many ailments that fall beneath it. This genetic disorder manifests in many ways; various joints and organs are affected and there is a large range of severity on each spectrum. None of us EDSers are the same. We call ourselves zebras because most doctors think of horses when they hear hooves, but rarely it can be a zebra. We are the zebras in the medical world. There is no cure for EDS but each symptom can be managed separately. It is tricky because we sometimes have several specialists to manage each symptom, or comorbidity, which can resemble having a full time job. Juggling this health conditions not only takes a toll on our energy but it also takes up most of our time. 
On a regular basis, I see several specialists: cardiologist, electrophysiologist, pulmonologist, cardiothoracic surgeon, rheumatologist, neurologist, otolaryngologist (ENT), endocrinologist, gynecologist, gastroenterologist, and of course my general physician. I also sometimes see a chiropractor for traction and the use of some machines to help build strength in my lower back. I don’t have access, but need to see a geneticist, nephrologist, ophthalmologist and orthopedic specialist. That is about 12-16 specialists every 3-6 months. If I see fourteen doctors four times per year, just as a guess, that is fifty six doctors appointments in a year! I also end up in the ER, on average, about six times per year and usually have one or two hospital admissions… on a good year. This year, I had a few surgeries already and last year I had a pacemaker put in. Last year I probably had close to fifty emergency room visits so we won’t count that year. 
An average day for me is waking up around 2am-4am with lower back pain, thirst and several bathroom breaks. I never truly sleep through the night. I have a dysfunctional nervous system (dysautonomia) and suffer from Neurocardiogenic Syncope, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, sleep apnea and issues with my body temperature, blood pressure, heart rate and more. My pain level has NEVER been under a five on the 1-10 scale. Not even for a moment. I usually have to be out of bed by 7-8am because my body is so sore when lying down for a long time. Even if I am sick, I have to get out of bed or the pain is so severe that I can not breathe. This means that I can not sleep for over six hours without a break, or the pain is unbearable. 
I take most of my medications and supplements in the morning. I usually start my day off with a headache, nausea, low blood pressure and a general feeling of being hungover but without the fun tequila shots. As I make it to midday, my entire body aches. Every cell in my body hurts. I feel so fatigued and exhausted, even if I didn’t do much. My head hurts and if I am around strong perfumes, chemicals or exposed to any chemicals in my food, I will have a runny nose, body aches and migraine with aura (visual disturbances). My lips and left hand go numb, simultaneously, about five times a day. No one knows why. My symptoms often mimic a stroke so I fear that one day if I have a stroke, I wouldn’t know the difference. I have chemical sensitivities that are hard to avoid. Wearing a mask and watching what I eat helps. Usually by 5-6pm, I am ready to collapse. Sometimes I make it through, with a smile on my face, because I try to live my life to the fullest. Despite how I feel, I push it to the limit to be the best mother, wife, friend, student and so on. I refuse to give up no matter how hard it gets.
By evening, I have made it through the day and usually my body temperature is low and I am freezing but somehow feel like I am burning up and running a fever. My temperature usually will read 96-97 degrees. It is incredibly uncomfortable to feel hot and cold at the same time. My chest feels heavy at night and if I lie on my back I start to feel fluid in my lungs. On a tough day, I will breathe so shallow while I fall asleep that I jump up gasping for air, with low oxygen and a racing heart. Other nights, I can’t sleep because memories flash back from the past when I was in the back of an ambulance or in the ER with chaotic arrhythmias. I close my eyes and hope to get to the next morning. It all starts over again in the morning. 
Depression can be a struggle for those who suffer with daily pain or frequent traumatic hospital visits. I recently came up with the term “Post Traumatic Health Disorder.” Depression can also be a factor because we feel like we have lost the person we once were and are prisoners to a body that doesn’t feel like it belongs to us. Our friends drop like flies the more we cancel on them, relationships are strained and many physicians don’t take us seriously because oftentimes these symptoms don’t show anything in blood work and we are passed off as a mental case. Many doctors are not familiar with rare, genetic disorders so they typically label us with anxiety or a catch-all diagnosis and send us on our way. We feel alone and like no one understands. It is scary, disheartening and frustrating. Seeing a therapist is important, as well as finding a support group.
Having an invisible illness is a battle and we all think of ourselves as warriors. We are warriors. We battle and fight every damn day. Tears are shed on the battlefield often and we watch our tribe through ups and downs on our online support groups. We have lost some and watched others give up. We keep fighting and supporting each other and raising awareness while we struggle to make it out of bed.
Always be kind to others, as you have no idea what they are battling under all that makeup and forced smile. And to those who are my fellow warriors, I believe you.
mental health, Unveiling Invisible Illnesses

Unveiling Invisible Illnesses – Depression and PTSD with Emily

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You never really understand something unless you have lived it. Many of us don’t know how to respond when we know someone is deeply hurt and struggling. Saying something like, “be positive” or “everything will be fine” is not a bandage to anyone who struggles with mental health. It doesn’t make them a negative person. As a society, we are never told that it is okay to feel. We all are trained to suck it up with a smile on our face, making mental health a truly invisible illness. Take Robin Williams for example. He was charismatic, funny, talented and all around a great guy but yet he took his life.

Emily shares her story in hopes of raising awareness, letting people know they aren’t alone, and teaching others how to be a friend to those who struggle with mental illness.

What is your official diagnosis and when were you diagnosed?

I have depression and PTSD. I was diagnosed by my therapist this year around March. However, I have been diagnosed with manic depression since I was 14-15 years old.

Looking back, how long where you having symptoms before you got diagnosed?

My depression started when I was really young, I would say about 8 or 9. When you’re younger, not a lot of people take mental health seriously. It wasn’t until I was 15 or 16 that I saw a therapist for the first time.

What do you do to keep your symptoms managed?

I go to therapy. I’ve tried almost every depression and anxiety medication but they don’t work well with me. CBD tends to be the only medication that helps manage the symptoms. But I have to see my therapist once a week, we also do coping skills, like grounding, to help through panic attacks or flashbacks.

For my PTSD, I avoid obvious triggers, block certian things on social media, and I make sure people around me know my main triggers. I have to make sure any movies or places I go won’t have those triggers involved, so there is a lot of work to do before just going somewhere.

What advice could you offer to someone who is currently struggling with the same illness?

That the fight isn’t over, but you have an army beside you even if you think you don’t. Treatment is expensive but there are orginizations to reach out to help. I know it’s really mentally taxing to always have to think about your mental illness. You have to stay on top of it because one slip can spiral you. Life is so worth it though. The next week will never be the same as this one.

What is the scariest moment you have experienced because of your illness?

When your life is in your own hands, and you don’t want to be alive. When you are in a really bad low in your depression, your PTSD isn’t managed. It’s really scary being on that edge of giving up and letting yourself fade away. When I wouldn’t eat, or even move was my scariest experience. It lasted for a few months until my support system got me to a doctor.

How do people react when they discover you have an invisible illness and how does that make you feel?

As soon as someone hears about my illness, their face changes. They get this look in their eyes of pity, like I just turned into a glass rose in front of them. They never talk about it and pretend it’s not there after a while. It’s not everyone, but it’s the majority of the time. It makes me furious, mostly because I want to talk about it. I want people to know it’s not just me and there are other people that need you to talk about it too.

What way can others show support to someone with an invisible illness?

By being around and a voice for people with depression and PTSD that can’t reach out. With my illness, sometimes I can’t reach out, it stops me from getting help. Be educated in knowing how to read the signs of your friend or partners mental illness. Also know it’s not something that you can “fix” or help someone get better from. It’s a life-long illness that doesn’t always have a magic pill to fix it. So the best way to support someone, is to just be there. Talk about mental illness, keep talking about it because that’s what supports the idea therapy and help should be more mainstream and accessable.

I know you lost someone close to you who has also battled with depression. How has that affected you?

Losing Nate was one of the biggest eye openers of my life. Not only with him leaving like he did through suicide, but everything after. I learned about the responsibilities loved ones have after someone passes. Seeing everything I had to go through with his death made me realize how much my loved ones would have to go through if I died the same way. It’s unbearable. I joined a support group of people that lost someone to suicide almost immideately because it felt like I either wanted to join him or wanted to live to give that to him. The extremes in your grief are insane and almost impossible to understand because everyone feels them at different times.

Is there anything you wish you could say to him?

Oh, there is so much I would say to him. A good summary would be that I forgive you, and I am working on forgiving myself even though you told me it wasn’t my fault.

What are your triggers and do you feel comfortable explaining how you developed PTSD?

I developed my PTSD when Nathanial died. I did have previous PTSD that I didn’t know about yet, but this was the big set off. My triggers include suicide, blood, abandonment and certian trigger words like promises.

What type of advice would you have for anyone in the same boat?

You have to keep going. Even when you think you were doing really well, but have a panic attack for 6 hours crying one day before work. You still go. You remember that attack will not last forever; you will be okay. You get your “war paint” on, as I call makeup, and go to work. We push through but never forget to work through it too. Learn from every emotion you feel, learn what will make you happy and to start weening out the things that set you back into the dark. Because your light is so bright and it deserves to be out in the world for everyone to see.

Biggest inspiration? It can be music, anything…

Honestly, the people I am closest to are my inspiration. My friends and support group do things like invisible illness blogs, that help others who think they are alone, get connected. Nothing is more inspiring to me then helping people live their best life. My personal inspiration, having something to look forward to is Live Action Role Play (LARP). Making costumes, characters, relationships, meeting new people, being in the woods for a weekend fighting with boffer weapons. It’s absolutly an inspiring experience that helps as a coping teqnique too in a lot of ways.

Favorite quote:

“Everything’s gonna get lighter, even if it never gets better.” -Mates of State.

Three things you can’t live without:

My best friends, Spotify, LARP

What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

It’s crazy to want to do something so far away as 5 years with my illness. Recently, I see myself getting ready to open and own a bookstore/venue with my best friend. A goal is to finish becoming a licenced sign language interpreter. Mostly, in 5 years, I want to have lived so much, but still say that I have so much more living to do.

1-800-273-8255

Health, mental health

Sunday Unplugged – A Day Without Social Media

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It is so habitual to see then number in the red bubble grow and to get rid of it. Or, we simply can’t just be in thought; we have to see what everyone else is up to or what we may be missing out on as opposed to actually letting our imagination wander. How dare we sit at home while others are checking in and posting their exciting life. This make us thirst for constant activity and new experiences rather than realizing that life is also intertwined with down time.

It becomes burned into our subconscious, to click the icons we constantly open on autopilot. We are addicted to superficial, instantly gratifying encounters behind a screen, rather than engaging on a personal and intimate level. When is the last time you made direct eye contact with someone and held a conversation? We so easily pour out from our fingertips but walk by with our heads down in person.

I started boycotting social media on Sundays and as my first day in, I already accidentally clicked the icon three times by 1pm. It’s not even that I must check it but that it has become so habitual to stay caught up. While working on my assignments, I picked up my phone a few times to distract myself. What urges us to pick up our phone to indulge in something rather that the task we are currently doing occupied with? We constantly need to disassociate our presence with life around us, to travel in a virtual wormhole into other’s polished and edited moments.

In the long run, it creates the need and urgency to produce experiences for our feeds to show and tell, pausing to capture it all in real time. Instead, we should share our memories after the fact. These habits can also be dangerous as to expose so much information from where our kids go to school to when we aren’t home, and so on. Many will struggle with insecurities from comparing their low times to everyone’s highlights. We often forget that our friend’s lives are also filled with low times as well, only they just aren’t published.

It’s time to start setting restrictions on ourselves, not just our kids. Setting times to check our phones or milestones throughout the day to allow us to indulge in social media and our online world is a great way to start. For example, checking social media on our lunch break and before dinner rather than all day. Would you be embarrassed if you knew the number of minutes per day or per week that you spend on social media? I know I sure would. Make it a point to engage with others in person or contact someone via text, call or email to see how they have been. How often do you communicate to those who do not have social media? Another way to help get the reigns on your addiction is to start by giving up a day per week to focus on yourself and your family. Creating these healthy habits will allow us to live in the moment and view the world in front of us rather than through a screen. So, the next time you are at a concert or wedding, put down your phone and enjoy the experience. Take it all in because the view is much better without a device in the way.

From my day without social media, I have discovered that even just by lunchtime, I got through my school assignments faster, I was inspired to write a lot and without distractions; my day was much more productive. I feel as though I gained many hours of my life.

Health

High Blood Pressure Risk Factors

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  • High blood pressure, hypertension, is a silent killer that makes the heart work harder. Hypertension can leave your arteries scarred and damaged, leading to ischemia and can even affect multiple organs if left untreated. Blood pressure is recorded using two numbers: systolic, the top number that measures the pressure during contraction, and diastolic, the bottom number that measures the heart’s pressure in between beats. The ideal blood pressure is 120/80. It is normal for blood pressure to fluctuate throughout the day while you rest, exercise and do your daily activities. It is important to assess your risks for hypertension as it can be caused by lifestyle or be a hereditary trait.

    • Women are at a higher risk for hypertension. Family history, weight and hormones can play a large role in developing high blood pressure. It is important to maintain a healthy balance, as weight and hormones can sometimes go hand in hand. Even being just 20 pounds overweight will increase your risk. Making our hearts work harder causes damage in the long run.

    Diet is another risk factor for developing hypertension. If you have high blood pressure, you should be on a low salt diet, as salt increases blood pressure. Eating clean and a well-balanced meal that is low in saturated fats and cholesterol can decrease your risk. Not only is it important to have a healthy diet to ensure that you are getting the proper nutrients but to also prevent health problems that can arise from your food choices. About 70% of the American population is considered overweight, which is why heart disease is so prevalent in the US.

    Your lifestyle can also lead you to have high blood pressure.  Decreasing alcohol consumption is also a great way to lower your risks, as well as smoking. Smoking narrows your blood vessels and increases your risk for ischemia (lack of blood flow) to your heart, brain or other organs. An excess amount of alcohol in our blood system will create an unhealthy blood pressure over time. Staying well hydrated is an important habit to create that will help keep your body healthy. When our body’s cells lack water, they signal to the pituitary gland to produce vasopressin, which constricts our blood vessels and can cause a terrible domino effect if you already have narrowing of the blood vessels due to atherosclerosis (plaque build-up).

    Cutting back on caffeine, losing weight (if needed), managing stress, getting a full night of rest, reducing sodium and eating potassium rich foods are a few way to lower your blood pressure naturally. You can also read this article on foods that are good for blood pressure.

    Sources

    https://www.goredforwomen.org/know-your-risk/factors-that-increase-your-risk-for-heart-disease/high-blood-pressure-heart-disease/

    Health, Unveiling Invisible Illnesses

    Invisible Illnesses Unveiled – Addiction with Red

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    Alicia (Red) Campitelli

    Sobriety / Clean Date March 7th, 2016

    Fifty percent of addiction is due to genetic factors. The other 50% is due to poor lifestyle choices. The same could be said for heart disease and other health issues. You may be genetically predisposed to something, like skin cancer, but there are ways to protect yourself and try to minimize your genetic risk.

    One gene, for example, is the MTHFR gene mutation. This gene is common in 40% of the population and in a nut shell, it means that you can not process folic acid. Folic acid is a synthetic form of folate. If you can not process it, it will build up toxicity in your body and cause a folate deficiency which can lead to many health issues: autism, ADHD, depression, anxiety, addiction, heart palpitations, insomnia, mood disorders and even cancer. This is just one gene mutation, a common one, but there a many others.

    It is important to take care of yourself, be healthy and learn to cope with life’s stressful situations. These important skills are not always taught in life or can be fogged by low self worth. Throw in poor nutrition, deficiencies and crappy sleep habits and you have a hostile environment for your body to produce chemical imbalances that can put you at risk for addiction.

    I chose to interview Red because addiction truly is an invisible illness. It does not discriminate against sex, race, wealth or fame. It is not always obvious to others and some people can shine a light on the pieces they want you to see in their life, while keeping the rest in the shadows. There are many stories and these stories grow and grow and our country is overgrown with this epidemic. In hopes that we touch someone and inspire even just one person to become sober, I am helping Red unveil her story.

    What is your official diagnosis and when were you diagnosed?

    I am an addict. Substance abuse / drug addict with other borderline issues. I would say I was 21 when drugs and alcohol started to effect my life in a negative way.

    What was your addiction?

    My drug of choice was opioids (pain killers like oxycodone / roxicodone) and narcotics (heroin). Downers were my every day drug but I would do anything that was in front of me. I hated cocaine & crack but I would use till it was gone, even if I was the creepy chick in the corner freaking out alone. Blues made me feel “normal.” It’s kind of crazy to say, but it was true for that time period of my life.

    Looking back, can you think of any warning signs that may have led you to addiction?

    Low self-esteem throughout my whole life and never feeling good enough, in my own head, or to others. I engaged in an emotionally, mentally and physically abusive relationship, which soon started isolation, depression, lost of self-worth, diminished family ties and lack of interest in things I once enjoyed. After that relationship had ended I turned to drinking and childhood friends where replaced with using friends. I would build up an identity and when I lost it, I would fall apart.

    What helped you get sober?

    Enough was enough. I was tired of living the life I was, which wasn’t living at all. I didn’t want to die but I wasn’t thrilled about living. I was surviving. Groundhog Day (movie) surrounding around the getting and using and means to get more drugs day after day. Getting high wasn’t fun anymore and hadn’t been for a long time, but I couldn’t stop. I can’t put into words of how horrible that feeling was. I started heavily drinking at 21 but I could take a couple days off; however, once I started using opioids and narcotics it was all over. I used drugs all day and everyday. I remember quitting cold turkey one time, in the beginning, and lasted four days. I wasn’t ready until I went to rehab 2 1/2 years ago. I choose to go to rehab in a different state because I didn’t trust myself to get through withdrawals and not check myself out or sneek drugs in the facility, in my neck of the woods. I had to be honest if I was serious about changing. I am not saying another addict couldn’t get clean on a friends couch, by themselves, cold turkey or in the same state they used in, but I needed to escape to help with my obsession.

    What advice could you offer to someone who is currently struggling with addiction?

    Ask for help. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but things will get better; hold on.

    There are so many possible ways to stay clean: 12 step fellowships, religion, celebrate recovery, working out / organized sports, family, maintenance programs, etc. If one of the listed above doesn’t work for you then switch it up. I don’t care what you have to do in order to change your life and get the needle out of your arm, liquor bottle out of your hand, pills out of your tummy, powder out of your nose and smoke out of your lungs; you need to create a new life. Stop repeating your negative self-destructive patterns. Try to find out why you do what you do and better yourself. Relapse can happen but its important to stop using as soon as possible and surround yourself with people in recovery. Keep in mind that relapse doesn’t have to be part of your story. You are not alone!

    What advice could you offer to someone who is sober, in regards to staying sober?

    Don’t pick up NO MATTER WHAT! The feelings of using will pass. Play the tape all the way through. Drugging will only make things worse in the situation you are trying to escape from.

    When you were struggling with addiction, what was your mindset? At what point did you realize that you were struggling with addiction?

    When I put drugs before anything or anyone, I realized I had a problem. I did care about people when I was in active addiction but if I had to choice between using and a particular person or drugs, drugs would win that fight. It’s sad yet it’s true, but in the moment, I didn’t look at it that way.

    Favorite quote:

    Oh man, my favorite quote… This is funny to me because my life before sobriety was so different. One of the quotes I used often was: “If anything could go wrong it will.“ I even have “Murphy’s Law” tattooed on my leg. Now I have turned into that annoying person I used to hate (on social media) with all the inspiration quotes.

    “Don’t let you stop you”

    “Fear is a liar”

    “You are incharge of your own happiness”

    “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable”

    “When you are grateful you become less self-destructive”

    “Oneday at a time”

    Simple, right? I put this in my mind daily:

    “My philosophy is, Its none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing & accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.

    -Anthony Hopkins

    Three things you can’t live without:

    Besides the obvious, in order to survive: Laughter, nature and companionship.

    What are your goals? Where do you see yourself in five years?

    Staying clean from drugs & alcohol, paying bill’s on time, building credit, being here for my family’s lives as a loving, trusted and supporting member, furthering my education, building meaningful relationships, helping others and dedicating time to the community, being happy and filled with joy. Some people might look at that list and think that is what adults are supposed to do and I should want more for my life life a top of the line car, big house with white picked fence, money, travel around the world, the perfect husband, three kids… Well, you’re not wrong with wanting more but I’m just now learning to be an adult. I was very selfish in my active addiction and I was given a 2nd chance, so I’m taking it and trying to become a better person. I’ve been working on these goals since I got clean but I’ll have to continue the rest of my life.

    Resources

    National Suicide Prevention Hotline

    1-800-273-8255

    SAMHSA’s National Helpline 

    1-800-662-HELP

    Florida based recovery program

    Peace Club

    Non-profit movement to help people with depression, addiction and suicide

    TWLOHA

    ——-

    Photos by Misti Blu

    Shoot location at Rockledge Gardens

    Body and Beauty, Health

    Toxic Free and Chemical Free Perfume Oils

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    Yesterday, I was at the post office shipping an order and the woman in front of me had a powerfully pungent toxic perfume that gave me an instant headache and nausea that lasted for hours. If you don’t care about what your body absorbs then maybe you could be mindful of your friends and family members who hug you and see you at gatherings and are too timid to speak up that your toxic fragrance is making them ill. In the U.S., manufacturers can legally hide hundreds of synthetic chemicals in the one word: fragrance. We live in a toxic world so why not minimize our exposure where we can. Live a healthy life and give the gift of quality air to your loved ones.

    Wildling Apothecary