Mental Health

Major Depressive Disorder

There are many people who are privileged to not understand what it is like living with depression. There isn’t always a reason and it isn’t something you can just “get over.”

Think about one of the hardest moments in your life. Imagine that feeling not going away. Imagine that feeling sneaking up behind you and visiting unannounced for hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Years.

Depression is like cancer. It’s usually not recognized at first. Sometimes we mistake for other things. It can take over, consuming your entire existence and rippling onto every aspect of your life and those you love. It’s something you have to have a good team to treat, manage and fight. It’s something you have to give your all to beat. We lose many to this battle too.

“My body is a pile of bricks resting on the bed. Swirling thoughts are paralyzing, like quicksand—I sink each time I try to get up. I stare at the blue sky peeking through the window, fantasizing about climbing out of my mind. What does it feel like out there? What does it feel like to be in a healthy body without pain or to have a strong heartbeat that doesn’t skip? What was it like not having a broken heart?”

This is something I wrote to explain what it feels like sometimes when my depression gets too heavy. I feel like a prisoner. I want so desperately to be okay. It’s not that I am not fighting—I am just resting from the never-ending battle. I am tired, but I promise I will get up soon. I will get up a little more each day. I will fight.

But please be kind to others. If you don’t understand why someone can’t just snap out of it, consider yourself lucky and give them a hand, a smile, a hug, a nudge… anything but judgement and an inexperienced opinion. Give them the love and hope they can’t seem to find.

If you are someone who can relate, I am so sorry. Let’s get through this together. Let’s fucking win this fight. ♥️

2 thoughts on “Major Depressive Disorder”

  1. Thank you

    Thank you for advocating, sharing, and making me feel less alone in this battle.
    43 years old and I’ve been fighting since I was 15.

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