Health, mental health

Does Anyone Really Want Space?

When a person says they are giving you space, it’s not actually for you; it’s for them. After isolating themselves from you during a difficult time, they claim that they decided to make an assumption that you needed space. The reality is that they don’t know how to react or be there for you. It’s about them not you.

 

Yes, after something profound happens in your life it can be very difficult to be around people. However, no one truly wants space. We want to know that someone is there. We want to pour our sadness, anger, frustrations or heartbreak out so that we can process it. No, we don’t want to talk right away but we want to know you are there when we are ready. We don’t want to be left alone. We don’t want weeks to go by wondering why you dropped off the face of the earth.

Even if it means leaving flowers at our doorstep, or a cheesy sympathy card, or a random hug, there are subtle ways to be there without actually being there. Food is always an easy way to help or show your love and concern, or by sending loving texts every day. We are going to say no when you ask us if we need anything because we are lost and don’t want our burden to pour onto your shoulders, but when you show up anyway we are forever grateful and it won’t be forgotten.

The people that do show up are usually the people who have been through it too. They understand the grief and the heartache. Or, they are very intuitive and empathic to others. We forever remember those who were there at our worst, not our best.

When a friend fills empty space between you and them, time just slowly drags on while you wonder how solid your friendship was in the first place. It’s lonely and isolating. Friends aren’t supposed to abandon you during the hardest times in your life, but some do. Then, suddenly they pop back in with “I was just giving you space.”

 

Take all the space you need, because other people showed up when you didn’t. As we get stronger and grow through the grief, we move on from your absence.

*If someone does say they need space, it’s just for a damn day or two, not weeks. Don’t make empty promises that you can’t keep or your friendship will forever have a painful scar. Never, ever make assumptions.

 

Health

Have The Conversation

“In my time of dying want nobody to mourn. All I want for you is to take my body home.

Well, well, well, so I can die easy

Well, well, well, so I can die easy”

-Led Zeppelin

 

Nobody wants to interrupt the family dinner to simply state, “I want to be cremated.” When someone does mention the grueling details of where they are purchasing their pre-paid plot, it gets dismissed as if it will never happen.

“Stop that. I don’t want to talk about that.”

However, this is an important conversation to have. Death is very much a part of life. We discuss the details of our wedding, birthday parties and even what we had for lunch. This important detail gets swept under the rug. We all feel immortal and invincible. Perhaps you have thought about your plans but decided to discuss it or deal with it later.

Sometimes, later comes sooner than you think. You will not be there to discuss the details. Maybe it was too late and that life insurance policy that you put aside on your desk just simply collected dust. Your loved ones have to put their grieving aside and the pain and sadness of your loss to focus more on worrying about the sudden decisions they must make, and the hefty fee that comes along with it.

Cremations start at the very minimum of $700 and that doesn’t even include transportation of the body or the box the ashes go in, nor does it include a service. According to Lincoln Heritage Funeral Advantage, the average funeral costs between $7,000-$12,000.

Not leaving a will or sharing your last wishes can strain a family. I have even heard of people you would least expect having to go to court over assets. Could you imagine your loved ones stressing about what to do or fighting over who gets what? Death isn’t this sad cinematic moment where the loved ones scatter ashes over a  mountain’s edge while wiping away a tear as they smile about the fond memories of you. Though, it can be… if you just take the time to talk to your family about your final wishes. Purchase a life insurance policy so that your wife and children don’t lose their home, or write up a will for your loved ones to know what to do. Maybe you don’t have assets but even purchasing your cremation or plot can help make one less thing to worry about while your family mourns your loss.

Whether you are 28 or 63, death doesn’t discriminate. Always be prepared, for your loved one’s sake. You may not be here to worry about the final details but everyone else is.