Imagine two people who aren’t on the same page, let alone in the same book. One person struggles with chronic illness, while the other is typically healthy, perhaps only occasionally dealing with common ailments. How can they relate to each other when it comes to health? For someone who has never experienced their health being jeopardized, it may not always come easily to understand the struggles of chronic illness.
However, it’s essential to build that bridge of understanding and connection, whether the person is a family member, a friend, or a loved one.
Invisible Illnesses
Perhaps your friend or loved one has an invisible illness. This means that they look healthy on the outside but on the inside they struggle with an illness like diabetes, lupus, PTSD, POTS, Thyroid diseases, Cardiac and Neurological diseases, to name a few.
We all have our own battles.
It can be tough to look at someone who looks fully capable of living life the way you do but we are all different. Understand that just because you may be healthy and can juggle so many tasks, does not mean it comes easy for others.
It is important to recognize that with all things, there is a spectrum. With chronic illnesses, that spectrum can vary day to day. One morning, we may have so much energy that we can clean the house and go out to get lunch but the next morning we may be bedridden.
Personally, putting on makeup every day is my way of putting on war paint. I hide my dark circles from waking up every hour. I conceal the redness in my face or sometimes add blush to my pale skin. When I look well, I don’t get asked if I am sick or told I look tired. I feel normal and ready to take on the day.
How to Be There for Someone with Chronic Illness:
Understanding
The fact that you’re reading this already shows a lot of compassion and empathy for your loved one with chronic illness. Trying to understand what life is like for someone dealing with health challenges is an incredibly important step in supporting them. Many individuals with chronic illness face judgment, assumptions, and even outright dismissal. Some are called lazy, hypochondriacs, or told that their struggles are “all in their head.” It can take years — sometimes decades — to get a correct diagnosis, often after multiple misdiagnoses and a lot of uncertainty. For many, this leads to feelings of loneliness and confusion. Your willingness to understand and offer empathy can make a huge difference in their journey.
Keep Your Ideals to Yourself
While we appreciate your concern, we’ve likely already done extensive research into our conditions. Most of us are very in tune with our bodies, tracking symptoms, following strict diets, taking appropriate supplements, avoiding certain activities, and seeking professional help when needed. Chronic illness is a full-time job. If you don’t fully understand what we’re dealing with, it’s okay to be supportive without offering solutions. Well-meaning suggestions like “If you just exercise more, you’ll feel better” or “Have you tried meditating?” are not always practical or helpful. What we need most is a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, positive support, and understanding. We don’t need advice on how to “fix” things. We just need to feel heard.
If You Are Sick, Stay Away!
Many people with chronic illness have compromised immune systems, making it difficult to fight off infections. If you’re feeling under the weather, please consider staying home. Bringing germs around anyone is inconsiderate, but for someone already dealing with health issues, it can make things worse. A simple cold or flu could trigger a flare-up of other conditions, and in some cases, it could even result in a hospital visit. Please be mindful and take care of your own health to help protect those who are already vulnerable.
Social Gatherings
We want to be there for you! However, there will be times when our health simply doesn’t allow us to attend social events or hang out with friends. We understand how our absence may be disappointing, but please know that it’s not because we don’t want to be there. Chronic illness often makes us “flaky” friends. Please don’t stop inviting us — we always appreciate being thought of, and we will try our best, even if we know the chances are slim. If we don’t make it, please don’t take it personally. We’d much rather be out enjoying time with you than stuck in bed.
Know That We Are Fighting a Battle
There may be times when we seem a little off, and that’s okay. Chronic illness can manifest in a variety of ways that aren’t immediately visible. There have been countless occasions when I’ve felt lightheaded, experienced blurry vision or heart palpitations, or been in pain, but I push through because this is my normal. Sometimes, well-meaning strangers or coworkers might say something like, “Smile! It can’t be that bad!” But the truth is, it may be a tough day, and I might be dealing with symptoms like an ocular migraine, low blood pressure, or exhaustion. If I have a resting face or seem distant, please don’t take it as a personal affront. I’m doing my best, and my health challenges don’t define me.
My Illness Does Not Define Me
Chronic illness is a part of my life, but it is not all of who I am. I am a person with passions, hobbies, and dreams. I love art, music, travel, food, nature, and giving back to others. Yes, I have bad days, but I keep going. I remain strong and continue to push forward, even when it feels like a full-time job to stay positive. My illness may affect me, but it doesn’t define me. I am not my illness — I am so much more. Through every challenge, I fight to maintain my identity and keep doing the things I love.
