Health, mental health, Unveiling Invisible Illnesses

Waking Up in Pain

Mornings are hard. When you think of Sundays, you think of sleeping in and waking up to the sun finding it’s way to to you. You think of sitting up, a nice stretch and a moment to admire the open window sharing hints of a beautiful day.

The reality is that you wake up from pain. And you have woken up several times already but you hurt too much to go back to sleep and the sun is up now, so you may as well get out of bed. Lying in bed hurts. It isn’t this relaxing thing where you can leisurely sprawl out in bed and feel like you are on a cloud, melting into your mattress. No, you have to move because one position makes your tailbone go numb and another hurts your collarbone and lying on your stomach makes your back feel broken.

So, now you get up and everything pops back into place. Almost everything. Your left hand and lips are tingling and numb but it only last a few minutes. You walk to the bathroom, holding on to everything you pass for stability so that you don’t fall. Even when you sit down, reaching to wipe is excruciating and demoralizing. It breaks you just glimpsing into the future, wondering if are going to need help wiping your own ass one day. Then, as much as you want to crawl back into bed and melt into your significant other, you quietly walk out of the room so you can find something to do and walk off the pain of sleeping.

Your head is killing you and you are nauseous as if you are hungover. As you walk to the kitchen, everything fades away and you can’t see. Your body starts to feel fuzzy and go numb, just like before you pass out. You don’t typically fully pass out so you know you can just keep walking through it as long as you hold on the way there. You are a pro and have smiled and held conversations while on the brink of passing out but you know it passes and this is your norm.

When pain levels are high, your morale is low. Your dreams and ambition slide over to the back burner. Sometimes they even get put away into Tupperware to decay in the back, hidden behind the fruit. Sometimes the sunshine creeping in through the window looks so far away. But you just get through this. You hold on to the idea of your next good day, whenever that may be. You find hope in new remedies and whatever ways you can try to have control over your health. You find hope in the people who support you and your loved ones.

“Mornings are hard. When you think of Sundays, you think of sleeping in and waking up to the sun finding it’s way to to you. You think of sitting up, a nice stretch and a moment to admire the open window sharing hints of a beautiful day.”

*On the pain scale of 1-10, I have never been under a five. My one is a five. I am not wanting sympathy but what I am wanting is to be honest about how I feel instead of hiding with an autopilot response of “I’m fine.” I want to raise awareness for people like me so they don’t feel alone, and for people without chronic pain so that they can understand their loved one or friend. We live in a world of sucking it up and smiling through the pain. We are suppressed and depressed with a bottled soul. It isn’t right. Be real and let others be real so they they aren’t lost and alone.

Health, Unveiling Invisible Illnesses

Living With Chronic Pain

What does it feels like to live with chronic pain? It’s something that you never really get a break from and you can’t remember not feeling it.

At the end of a long day, it feels like you just did the most intense workout the night before, and climbed 50 flights of stairs while carrying someone up. Then, you had to swim a mile in the ocean and forgot to stretch, and you were forced to sleep on the pavement. For me, this is how my body feels on a daily basis.

Every single fiber of my being aches and it always has. This is my normal and something I have grown to live with. I still go to the grocery store, cook my family dinner, make it to events and juggle school, parenting and work. I used to never talk about this because I never knew it wasn’t normal to feel like your scalp was severely bruised because you wore your hair up or switched parts, or that your legs weren’t supposed to feel like they were run over by a truck after a day of work, or like you drank a bottle of tequila the night before (only you don’t actually drink) and have a massive hangover. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to feel like your feet have been shattered into a hundred pieces at the end of the day, or wake up each night with your back spasming, and let’s not forget the classic pounding headache and abdominal cramps.

I have been told in previous relationships that I was a hypochondriac, or always complaining, so I trained myself to suck it up. Who wants to complain all day or succumb to a life in bed? I can’t be in bed too long anyway. This is my every single day. This is me. So, when you see someone or meet someone, know that we are all fighting our own battles. Pain is just one small layer of the onion. Things are not always what they seem.

Photo by Amanda Eversz

Location: Rockledge Gardens

Dress by The King’s Daughter Bridal Boutique & Formal Wear

Health

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Awareness Month – You Don’t Look Sick

May is apparently everything awareness month, so today I chose to share a little bit about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. In the medical field, doctors are trained that when they hear hooves that it is always a horse and never a zebra. The zebras in the world are standing up and wanting answers. We have been dismissed all of our lives. It is so important to me to educate everyone I meet in the medical field so that they can keep an open mind and empathy for those who suffer without answers. 🦓

Photo by Nicole Borges Photography